A long, long season is over

Having started in August last year, my four-a-side team lost last night in the Chewton Mendip Knockout Cup meaning our long season of skittles is over.

We lost by 22 to Pete Perrin’s team, but losing to them is no embarrassment. In the first round, their score was 22 more than any other team and their total against us last night was the second highest scored so far!

It was generally a close game though, as we were only three down after four legs and only six down with one leg to go. However, they then hit 38 off their four players leaving us a mountain to climb and we barely reached the foothills.

For us, I top scored with 46 which I was very pleased with on the Chewton Club alley – I’ve hit my two highest scores there in these last two games.

Elsewhere in the cup, Skipper’s side won in round one and play again on Monday, while Mr T Lethaby Snr’s gaggle had a bye after their opposition didn’t turn up. They take to the second round on Tuesday.

As for the main team, we now get to put our feet up and relax for the summer. By the time our season begins again I should be a married man and have survived a stag do at the Newt Beer Festival (pictured right).

My next report should be after our first game, which will probably be near the end of August, or if something of significance happens in the world of skittles. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “Are you sure you’re not busy next week?” Said to all of us at various points of last night’s game, as we performed somewhat erratically. At the start of next season, this section will become Alley of the Week I think…

Back in action

To plagiarise Grease (pictured right), summer skittles happens so fast…

Yes we are back in action already with the Chewton Mendip Four-a-side Knockout Cup, in which Team Clothier fields a whopping three sides. Skipper has a team, as do I and Mr T Lethaby Snr.

In my team are me, Pasty, Nashy and Wyatt Earp and we put in a top performance in the first round last night to win by eight. The reason it was such a good win was that the team we were playing was made up of players from the team which won B Division last season.

After the first two legs we were 10 pins down and I was beginning to worry that our interest in the cup would be over almost before it had begun. However, we upped our game and got things all level with two hands to go. The opposition then seemed to crack under the pressure and we pulled clear to win by eight.

I top scored with 47 including a spare, followed by Nashy who hit 45. Both these scores were impressive as we played, as all the games in this cup are, at Chewton Club. Whenever it has been raining, and it had been, the scores on this alley slump due to the brook running under the building.

Also, we had our entertaining league presentation night in Farrington Gurney a few nights ago. Having won the division, all members of Team Clothier got very nice engraved tankards and the team got a rather large trophy.

We, of course, then did the very mature thing – and filled the trophy with a mixture of all the spirits along the top row behind the bar. While us younger ones thought we could handle it, we were totally outshone by particularly the Fat Controller and Hurricane Hellard who lapped the concoction up.

The four-a-side teams of Skipper and Mr T Lethaby Snr both play next week, but the next match for my side is in a couple of weeks – round two of the cup. I don’t know who we are playing yet so it could be an interesting match. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “I’d have gone for that one too…” Said a few times to Pasty as he was shanking some shots down the side. He pulled a few good scores out when it mattered though…

The end has no end

After nine months of action and Team Clothier knocking around 10,000 pins down, the skittles season is over.

We have won the league by something in the region of 10 points depending on the last couple of results from other teams and it can only be hailed as a cracking year. We’ve hit the best scores we’ve hit for years and we’ve been taking far more spare opportunities.

We ended the season with a 43-pin victory over Team Witcombe but we had a bit of a fright. Having started with a good 71 leg we were somewhat disappointed when their anchorman hit an 18 spare and they pulled two pins. They then pulled more on the second leg and things were looking a bit gloomy. However, we upped our game and ended up easing to a comfortable win.

Top scorer on the night was the Fat Controller who hit 63, which is the top scorer by any Team Clothier player this season. He was followed by me with 51, which was my top score of the year as well.

There was a lot of interest in the averages and I’m convinced some players were more focussed on that than the actual game… After much heckling and banter, Mr T Lethaby Snr emerged as top average, despite stiff competition from Wyatt Earp, Nashy and Pasty.

The end of the season leaves a skittle-sized whole in one’s life but don’t worry, the blog will go on! I will write a report on the finals presentation night next month which promises to be a riot of a night – I’m not sure Farrington Gurney will know what hit it. Hopefully we’ll be given a trophy like the one pictured – but I doubt it!

Also, I will do reports after our four-a-side games throughout the summer. Team Clothier will be entering three sides in the Chewton Mendip four-a-side knock-out cup so hopefully we will all get past the first round. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week: “Off the alley!” Shouted repeatedly at a rather de mob happy Wyatt Earp who was strolling around the Poacher’s Pocket as if he owned the place…

Little Miss Skipper

The good thing with the end of the season is that everyone is chilled out and relaxed, and most often games descend into Mickey taking. And so it proved at our game against Team Patch last night.

The victim of our jokes was predominantly Skipper though, to be fair, he did not really help himself.

Having had a couple of shandies, Skipper decided that he needed to relieve himself and headed to the little boys room. Unfortunately for him, he went in the wrong door (pictured right) and was confronted with what I can only assume to have been pot plants, fragrant smells and tampon machines. The cheer when he emerged from the Ladies could probably be heard in South Wales.

Anyway, the game itself proved to be a straightforward victory for us champions, as we won five of the legs and drew the other. Of course, as we were playing at the Crown in Ridgehill finding the place was not so easy. Having set off what seemed like three days ago, our car eventually rocked up and five very stiff blokes eased themselves out of the Mondeo, busy massaging the feeling back into our legs. Actually, that last sentence sounds a bit dodgy – blame Pasty and his insistence on talking about adult TV channels last night…

Top scorer was Wyatt Earp with 47, stealing a march on his rivals in the list of averages for the season. The Fat Controller hit 45 and I hit 44 so there were some pretty good scores going round.

Next week sees yet another free week so we are back in action for our final game of the season a fortnight today. We are back at home and I’m sure there will be a bit of a party atmosphere. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Team Clothier heckle of the week – “Go on, miss it you cheeky little ****”. Heard from the normally benign Fat Controller as his opposite player, the sticker-up, went to play. He was only aged about 12 FC – harsh, very harsh!

We are the champions!

I have been dying to write that as a headline on this blog all year but finally it is true.

Team Clothier have been confirmed as the top team in Division D of the Mendip Farmers Skittles League. Go us! With only two games to go after last night’s match, we have an unassailable lead in the table and we now look forward to the presentation evening in May.

Farrington Gurney will not know what hit it as we all arrive, dressed up to the nines, ready to party (like it’s 1949 for some of our older team members). The thing is, how else should we celebrate? It has been years since this team won anything, so we want to make a song and dance about it.

So far suggestions have included an open top bus tour around Wells and an entry in Shepton Carnival with us all waving to the crowds, who will not know the hell we are. Post your comments below and we’ll try and do them all!

Anyway, back to last night’s game, and we achieved a straightforward victory against Team Edwards from East Harptree. We won by 36, and took the first five legs quite easily. They were a good crowd and we had a right laugh which was the main thing though. Mr T Lethaby Snr top scored with an excellent 55, followed by Skipper who went spares crazy and still only managed 49! I hit an OK 43, but was left with the same horrible frame for three legs in a row, so I’m quite pleased with my final total.

Next week is another free one, so we next play the following Tuesday against Team Patch at the Crown in Ridgehill. A little phrase we use when trying to find this pub in the back of beyond is that if you reach Bristol airport you’ve gone too far – but only just! It’s blinking miles away so we’ll have to make a bit of an expedition to get there. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: The Fat Controller – FC (pictured second right in Royal British Legion mode) is a relative newcomer to the side, and a renowned Chewton Mendip resident. A smooth mover, he always seems to perk up when we are playing a women’s team. After hitting a spare, he is often heard singing his catchphrase: “Happy days are here again!”

For who the bells toll

What an alley. What a horrible, terrible alley.

Team Clothier played at a dog of an alley last night at the Bell Inn, Leigh-on-Mendip. My advice to anyone who has a fixture there in the forthcoming future is to make sure you have another engagement that night.

I hasten to add that there is nothing wrong with the pub at all, it is just the alley should send shivers down the collective spine of skittlers everywhere. I’m not sure what makes it stand out as being difficult – the length, width, small pins, heavy balls – but it was a nightmare to score on.

It says something when I was our team’s top scorer with 37. Yep, you read that correctly. Joe The New Kid and DJ both hit 36, and Skipper got 35, but we really were scraping the barrel. Nashy, one of our more consistent players, only got 26 with a zero scored in there – a fate also suffered by Wyatt Earp.

The game itself had an end-of-season feel to it, and we weren’t really too worried by our loss by just 1. Skipper left me a 10 spare to win and unfortunately I was only able to get 8 and not even force a draw. We are now waiting with baited breath, however, for the latest table to see if we are champions yet or not.

Thankfully we are back at home at the Poacher’s Pocket next week on Wednesday so we should see scores rise again. Well, that’s the theory. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Skipper – our captain has been running Team Clothier for decades and has remained a constant when faces have come and gone. He remembers fondly the one season when we were in the top division, a bit like Bristol City. Famous for driving a car as big as the QE2, Skipper (pictured right) is a well known face in local farming circles.

Falling educational standards

The declining standards of educational standards, in maths at least, was ably demonstrated at our Team Clothier game last night against Team Alvis.

It was a really close game against a good bunch of lads and lasses, and their last man needed a seven to win. The Team Clothier heckling machine was out in full force but Tintin (as was chalked up) hit them much to his delight.

However, on counting up the leg totals and player totals things didn’t quite match up. It turned out they had got a few leg totals wrong and we hadn’t bothered to check. In the end it turns out that we won by four!

It was one of the weirdest ends to a game I can remember, which leads me to ask the question: What’s your weirdest conclusion to a skittles match? Get commenting…

What all this adds up to is that we may well be champions now. We are not sure because we don’t think the score card from last week’s game has been handed in yet. By the last table we had six points more than the teams in equal second. If you add four points for the wins last week and last night we would be 10 points clear with only four games to go.

Top scorer in the team last night was Nashy, who hit 51 with a spare on his last leg, followed by Joe The New Kid who, despite having futon issues, hit 46. Wyatt Earp was back from his finger-op so was on the bottom, but hit 54 to firmly cement his place back in the side. I hit 39, which was not helped by hitting a two on my first hand. The Fat Controller was in the Chair, hit 43, and pretty much broke even.

We don’t have a game next week as it is cup week again, so our next match is the following Tuesday. It is against Team Cambourne at the Bell Inn, Leigh-on-Mendip. I’ve never played there before, does anyone know what it’s like? Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: DJ – the team’s official party animal, DJ (pictured right with his big jugs) has calmed down recently due to him getting a missus. That hasn’t stopped his missile-like deliveries which are done with the sort of speed Steve Harmison would be impressed by. I also still maintain that DJ has less hair than me…

Good points and bad points

Firstly an apology. Due to a rather delightful trip to Brussels with my better half, I was not able to do a blog after last week’s game.

Unfortunately, I clearly drank too much in the EU capital (which was fantastic by the way, if a little pricey) and I can’t really remember many details of the game! I know we won by quite a large margin but I’ll be damned if I can remember anything else…

Anyway, on to last night’s game at the Waggon and Horses at Doulting Beacon which was, for once, not shrouded in flog and soaked in tumultuous Mendip downpours. We were playing an all-female team so it was a good job the Fat Controller wasn’t there or we’d have lost him for the night…

We won the game by 27. Which was good. But we hit our lowest score of the season. Which was bad. But we kept hitting pins despite the demoralising score. Which was good. But I hit 32 and my lowest score of the season. Which was bad.

Top scorer was our man on the bottom Alan, who knocked 45 and took all the money. Next up was Mr T Lethaby Snr whose 43 keeps him in the hunt at the top of the averages, followed by DJ with 42 – his missile-like deliveries scaring the sticker-upper on numerous occasions.

I must make a couple of extra mentions as well. Firstly, sorry to Joe The New Kid for tipping my pint of Coke all down his jeans, I hope you’ve dried out now. And secondly, best of luck to Hurricane Hellard, who goes in to hospital on Monday to have a hip replacement, which will rule him out for the rest of the season.

Next week we play at home against Team Alvis, knowing that another win could almost seal promotion already. Fingers crossed for some top scoring. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Alan – always one to join in the verbal abuse, our ex-newspaper group chief executive (pictured right looking very dapper) has been a Team Clothier member for many years. He plays less regularly these days, but when he does, he can still pull a score out of the bag.

Whatever the weather

Once again it was the weather which dominated our match last night as we were caught out by floods, snow drifts and blizzards.

We were playing at East Harptree on the concrete alley, and on the way there it was the deep flood waters resembling tropical water-splashes which caused concern, especially as none of us were driving big 4x4s normally used to tackle said torrents.

Then, halfway through the game, Mr T Lethaby Snr announced that snow was falling and settling. We tried to speed up the game but were hampered by the slowest sticker-up known to man.

On the way home, Team Clothier went in convoy and by now the roads resembled something you would find in the arctic. My MG struggled going up hill, but the best manoeuvre was performed by Mr T Lethaby Snr whose car did a Bambi on ice sliding impression near the Mendip Inn. Thankfully all of us got home safely.

As for the match, we were playing Team Currell and we won by 39 after winning all six legs. We are not huge fans of the Harptree Club alley but we hit one of our highest scores of the season and certainly our best ever there.

Top dogs were Wyatt Earp and Mr T Lethaby Snr who both hit 49 with a spare apiece, followed by me with 47, again including a spare. Skipper was in the Chair and for once failed to take much money, having to pay everyone bar one.

Next week we are back at the Poacher’s Pocket for a home game on Wednesday against Team Young. By then hopefully the snows and flood waters will have gone and we can worry about giving each other verbal abuse as usual. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Wyatt Earp – the team’s resident gunslinger, pictured right, is another who has featured in the side for many years. Currently enjoying his best season for some time, Wyatt will be sorely missed over the next month or so as he has to take a break following an operation on his hand.

Get the snow chains ready

Team Clothier had a game in hand on most of the division so what does Skipper do? Arrange it for one of the snowiest nights of the year.

After Monday night’s conditions we thought we had seen the worst of the weather, but just as we arrived at the Poacher’s Pocket, the white stuff started to fall again. And it kept falling all game until we were ready to go.

By this point some of our cars were somewhat snowed in – Pasty got his out despite a barrage of snowballs from Nashy, DJ and Joe The New Kid. Mine was the farthest into the car park and the deepest in snow, but I put my knowledge of Rally Sweden to the test and got out of the thick stuff fine. Unfortunately, I then got to the icy main bit of the car park and promptly couldn’t get anywhere. Thankfully Mr T Lethaby Snr was on hand to lend a bit of weight, and he helped by pushing my car and I got away.

But what of the game? Well, we were playing Team Freestone who we beat by only four last week, and again it proved to be a tight encounter. We had fallen 14 behind after the first leg, but pulled back to only four down by the fourth leg.

We then monstered the leg and hit 81 thanks to two spares, but it could have been more if I hadn’t wasted my spare ball by throwing it straight through. We were 26 up going into our last leg but we didn’t hit too good a score. When they suddenly had two spares it made things interesting, but we won out by 10 in the end.

Top scorer on the night for us was Hurricane Hellard with a storming 53, followed by me with 50, thanks to me actually taking advantage of a spare and hitting 14 on the last leg. Joe The New Kid was in the Chair and he hit 48 meaning he only had to pay Hurricane and I.

It’s Nashy’s birthday on Saturday (watch out the pubs of Shepton/Wells/Street) so he did the five half-pint challenge last night and got his best time. He came in with a very respectable 12 minutes 36 seconds.

Next week we play away at Harptree Club, in East Harptree, on Monday on the concrete alley where we may or may not be playing with the rubber balls (ooh err missus, and all that). Let’s hope the snow stays away but looking at the forecast I may need to hunt out those snow chains. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Hurricane Hellard – Hurricane (pictured front right in this old photo of Team Clothier from 1999) has been a member of the team since it was started some 40 years ago. A lynchpin of the side, normally playing at number four, he is also known for his performances on the dancefloor at the team’s Christmas bash…

Handling the pressure

It was a damp and misty night atop the Mendips. Two hardy skittles teams were locked in combat in a crucial game at the top of D Division.

Team Freestone had home advantage and the edge with just two legs remaining. Knowledge of their tough alley and a spare had put them 11 up and things were looking rosy.

However, they had not reckoned with Team Clothier’s spirit. A fightback began on leg five, as Skipper and his squad pulled five back to leave the two teams separated by six with a leg to go. The pressure was beginning to get to Team Freestone, they hit a lowly 47 leg on their last go and Team Clothier knew they were in with a shout.

Consistency throughout the team’s scores on the final leg left the anchor man needing four to win it. He stepped up and his first ball took just the back pin. The pressure increased when his second ball took only two more. Everyone held their breath as he threw the last delivery of the game… and managed to knock down four more to take the victory! Who was this heroic anchorman? Oh yeah – it was me…

After taking the plaudits and being very chuffed with myself, I then realised I had only hit 40 overall and had to buy my man a drink. I got money off the Chair though – DJ hit 36 and had to pay pretty much the entire team.

Top scorers for us were Mr T Lethaby Snr and Hurricane Hellard who both hit 43 to help their away averages no end.

Also a notable mention must go to Joe The New Kid who tackled the five half-pint challenge for the first time. His time of 14 minutes and 34 seconds was the quickest so far of the people who have done it and who don’t have a drink problem.

Next week we are not sure whether we have a game yet. It is a cup week and our interested ended a few months ago in the cups. However, we still have our game in hand against Team Freestone to play, so we might be back at the Poacher’s Pocket on Wednesday against the same opposition. Watch this space. Until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Joe The New Kid (pictured) – it has to be Joe for his five half-pint challenge performance. One of the hairiest members of Team Clothier, Joe The New Kid has become an excellent acquisition for the side this year. He had never really played skittles before, but as a goalkeeper for Belrose he was used to seeing balls hitting woodwork.

Streaking clear

Team Clothier is back on a roll and moving clear at the top of D Division of the Mendip Farmers League.

Last night we defeated the team of John Witts who were second in the league behind us. We now lead the table by three points, with two points for a win. We also have a game in hand so we are feeling slightly confident.

This was a tough match with the lead swinging one way and then the other like a confused transvestite. However, on the fourth leg (which we are notoriously bad in) we hit a 69 and pulled clear. We then kept pulling away until we won by a comfortable 24.

Leading the way in the team was our very own gunslinger Wyatt Earp who hit a top shootin’ 51, followed by Nashy who hit 50 which might just, possibly, maybe, mean he is top of the averages. Top score overall though was Mr T Lethaby Snr, who hit 60 on the bottom, but then there is no pressure when you’re not in the side

The Fat Controller was in the Chair and had a mixed night. He hit 46 so drew money off most people but it could have been so much more. After starting with two eights, he then got a flopper to much cheers. However, the glory went to his head and he put the next two balls straight through. It’ll take a while for him to live that down…

I hit 45 so had to pay the Chair but I hit a nice spare myself so I am pleased with my night’s work, especially as I beat my man.

Next week we play another team near the top, Team Freestone. These guys were third by the latest table I’ve seen and they also have a game in hand. This, of course, is against us, so it is another crucial week. If we win at the Waggon and Horses on Tuesday, then we really would have our fate in our own hands as far as the title goes. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Mr T Lethaby Snr – Our usual number two in the team is known to occasionally cross-dress (pictured) and to always lose things, such as keys, wallet, phone, passport... However, he’s normally one of our most consistent players, even if he does have a beard. Humorous tales are too many to mention them all, just if you ever meet him, ask him about the time he downed a shot, wobbled to his feet, proclaimed “I played rugby y’know” and strode out of the pub before I could even get my drink to my lips…

Random number generators

Consistency was notable by its absence this week, but Team Clothier has still kept up its title push with another win.

We were playing Dave Watts’ team at the George in Gurney Slade and were victorious by 16, but our inconsistency almost cost us the match.

Having worked our way into a 12-pin lead we then conspired to hit a 42 leg which, as anyone who has ever played league skittles will know, is complete and utter pants. We suddenly went to being five down and things were looking shakier than a nervous jelly.

However, Team Clothier is never one to take such rubbish lying down, and we stepped up and hit a 66 leg and promptly were nine ahead again, leading eventually to the 16-pin win.

Chief random number generator, but top scorer, was Nashy (see player of the week below) who started and ended with a spare, but hit a 3 in there as well to end with 51. Second highest was the Fat Controller was hit a rather good 47, including a couple of hands when he thought he had a spare but couldn’t see the other end of the alley well enough to see that there was still a pin standing.

I hit 40, but that should have been more as I got a spare on my first hand and then chucked the last ball down the left-hand gutter – getting too excited I guess! Wyatt Earp was in the Chair and hit 42, drawing from most of the team.

As we tucked into our sandwiches and chips after the game, which were very nice by the way, it got me thinking. What is the best and worst skittles food you’ve ever been served? As for me, the Apple Tree at West Pennard used to do full-on fish and chips which was great and our home alley, the Poacher’s Pocket, always puts on a good spread. On the rubbish side, I could name a few who have given us dodgy curries or stale bread…

Our game next week is on Wednesday at home against fellow pace-setters Team Witts, one of only two teams to defeat us in the league this season, the other being Watts who we beat last night. Anyway, until then…

Go for wood!

Tim

Player of the week: Nashy – Our opener (pictured) has excelled at that position since moving there for this season. Being a, whisper it, estate agent Nashy has plenty of time on his hands these days which he spends, we reckon, practising skittles, hence the top scores this year.

A new year and a new challenge

Team Clothier moves into 2009 equal top in D Division of the Mendip Farmers Skittles League and hoping for the title. However, our charge into the new year was halted by the fact that we didn’t have a game scheduled this week.


So we decided to keep our hand in with a friendly game, but little did we know what a challenge it would be.


We decided to invite all the Team Clothier SWAGS along to play. SWAGS stands for Skittles Wives And Girlfriends and most of us were promptly shown up. We rotated the team so it went Team Clothier member, SWAG, Team Clothier member and so on so things were even, but Skipper’s side beat mine by 10.


Mr T Lethaby Snr starred on the night with 50 but his SWAG for the night was DJ so he could focus on his game. Nashy just beat Mrs Nashy by 1, but Hurricane Hellard lost out and faced much abuse! I hit a well-earned but spare-free 41.


Another player to just beat their better half was Pasty. Now Pasty had his birthday on Monday so he had to face the five half-pint challenge last night, which made for an entertaining evening. Not known as a big drinker, Pasty achieved a rather good 19 minutes for the challenge but was flying afterwards. I couldn’t possibly repeat some of the stuff he was saying, suffice to say it was amusing and rather X-rated.


The skittles season resumes proper next Tuesday at the George in Gurney Slade. Last night’s scores do not count towards who gets in the team so it should be a similar side to that which played at Chew Magna just before Christmas. Anyway, until then…


Go for wood!


Tim


Player of the week: Pasty (pictured) – our regular at the number three slot in the side has to be featured this week as he tackled the five half-pint challenge. A member of Team Clothier for a good eight years or so he has been known to discuss tactics until the wee small hours. One of his most famous Team Clothier moments was when he got rather drunk one night at the Sheppey Inn, Godney, and heckled a player for foot faulting despite the opponent having to use two walking sticks to stay upright…